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Lyudmila Putin
Lyudmila Putin (not to be confused with Larisa Putin) is a Jesuit clone posing as Vladimir Putin’s second wife. Lyudmila Putin is morbidly obese and weighs over 300 pounds. According to Gail, she never stops eating. Despite looking much older due to Jesuit cloning techniques, Lyudmila’s true age is only around 14 years. She was created by combining Larisa Putin’s and Jesuit Rule 13’s DNA with accelerated human growth hormone. “Marriage” to Vladimir Putin Despite what Jesuit media tells us, the woman Vladimir Putin married in 1983 is not Lyudmila Putin. Vladimir Putin originally married a woman named Larisa. Larisa Putin died sometime in early 2000, leaving Vladimir Putin a widower. Shortly after Larisa’s death Vladimir Putin began reading the works of Gail Chord Schuler and fell in love once again. Unfortunately, Jesuit media had already told the public that Vladimir Putin and his wife “Lyudmila” would be visiting President Bush’s ranch. President Bush refused to reveal Larisa’s death to the world, forcing Vladimir Putin to take a new wife. Jesuit influence forced Vladimir Putin to hide his love for Gail from the world and marry a Jesuit clone, Lyudmila. In order to protect Gail, Vladimir Putin often fakes infidelity with Lyudmila in order to keep the Jesuit press away from his true love. Vladimir Putin says he cannot stand Lyudmila because she is fat and boring. Proof She is a Jesuit Clone Thanks to Gail’s supreme intelligence and divine fashion sense, she discovered that the real Larisa Putin had been replaced with a Jesuit clone. Using Carole Jackson’s book Color Me Beautiful Gail noticed that Lyudmila Putin had inexplicably changed from a golden skin tone to a blue skin tone. Old photos of the real Larisa looked good in gold clothing and with red hair, making her an autumn. The new photos showed she looked best wearing silver clothes and her dyed ash blonde hair looked terrible even with Jesuit photo manipulation. She had somehow become a summer over night, which according to Gail is impossible. The only explanation was that Rule 13 did not understand fashion as well as Gail and had replaced the real Larisa, an autumn, with a jesuit clone, Lyudmila, who was a summer. Even with this indisputable evidence many are still brainwashed into thinking that Lyudmila and Larisa are the same person. Toxic farts It is a well known fact that once a woman reaches 300 pounds her farts become toxic. While obese men over 300 pounds have disgusting farts, they are not toxic like obese women’s farts. Because of their toxic farts conspiracy law requires all people over 300 pounds to wear a butt plug while in public and to only release their farts in designated canisters. However, thanks to Jesuit interference there is a massive shortage of these canisters. This has caused many people to explode from holding in their farts. The toxic fart gas is then released into the atmosphere where it causes sever mental retardation (explaining the existence of Brett Keane and The Vigilant Christian). Lyudmila Putin has been known to weaponize her own toxic farts. She and Lori McBride often work together to create massive wildfires in Russia and America using Lyudmila’s toxic farts. A famous incident of this form of chemical warfare is the West Texas Fertilizer Plant incident which was covered on DP episode 81. On DP At the start of episode 81, the drunken peasants watched a video covering the events of the West Texas Fertilizer Plant incident which occurred when obese Jesuit Lyudmila Putin purposefully let out a fart. Acres upon acres were destroyed in a massive fire caused by Lyudmila’s toxic fart. During the segment, Ben laughed so hard that he became dizzy and almost passed out. TJ, being a servant of Zack Knight and an avid enjoyer of butt plugs, had no reaction to the news and compared it to a George Carlin joke. TJ lied, claiming he was ignorant of conspiracy law and did not realize that the butt-plug law had been put into effect. Scotty found the whole thing stupid, called it “the ramblings of a lunatic" and considered it “crazy, even for Church of Gail.” At the mention of anti-fart laws, Scotty got up and left until the segment had finished. Trivia * The release of Toxic farts by Lyudmila Putin has caused a worldwide, mental-retardation epidemic * Lyudmila Putin worked with Jesuit scientists to create a dish called the “Schwinger” which causes women to gain massive amounts of weight and release especially toxic farts * Gail considers the “thin privilege” movement, founded by Lyudmila Putin, to be a terrorist organization * Vladimir Putin wishes Lyudmila would read War and Peace so she could be a more attractive obese woman like the character Natasha * In the first chapter of Jesus The Eternal Bridegroom, Lyudmila Putin shares a naked video of Gail with the jesuit jury which for some reason leads them to declare Gail guilty of genocide. Category:Russians Category:Females Category:White People Category:Neutral Category:Fatties Category:Ugly as Fuck Category:Church of Gail